To finish up this three part series on our educational system, or something like that, I'd like to tell you all that my last blog was apparently very wrong! They have no idea! Although none of them asked if I was, nor did they care if I ever was married (in which i took a great deal of comfort), they sure did enlighten me. I realize that as a sub, I really have no power whatsoever. So I didn't much try to break up any conversations unless, of course, the kiddos (who wear about 3 X the amount of makeup that I do) were completely failing to do any sort of work. I think to prepare for this, I should have paid more attention when watching Fast Times at Ridgemont High. There was this table of girls-they were the kind of girls that when you were in high school, depending on your gender, either made you loathe them out of jealousy (ladies) or want to take them somewhere in the backseat of a car (gentlemen). Hold onto that last statement. As I was wandering through the room checking their work, trying to put on my best "teacher" face despite my messy ponytail and sweater that smelled slightly like a head shop, I overheard some outstanding conversations. Man, was I enlightened. "...Well obviously he loves you. I mean, why else would he ask you to do that? That's big..." "... I guess, but, well, he totally loves me."
Okay. I'll buy it for a dollar.
Okay. I'll buy it for a dollar.
"... why would he go with her. She is so ugly. Did you see her new glasses? I don't know..." "...I've only ever done that once, but I must have been good." Okay, ladies, I say. Less talking, more working. What I really wanted to say was, "Nooooooo! He doesn't love you and she is not ugly, she just has a tragic haircut that she will remedy in about 3 years and will be smoking hot, and those glasses are fashion forward. And I'm sure if you've only ever done anything once, the likelihood of you being good at it is slim no matter how many issues of Cosmo you’ve read. Give it time, you little biddies- let's not rush into things." But I clearly just kept checking papers and listening to their torrid conversations in between the click of my heels on the linoleum. Seventeen more "less talking, more workings" later, they all turned in their papers, having solved all the problems of the adolescent world at the expense of their assignment and several perfectly oblivious girls, told a few little white lies, and, of course, enlightened me to no end. You can't get stuff that ridiculous with a subscription to Seventeen. It seems that these high school girls have moved on, upping the ante, and have started subscribing to Cosmopolitan. I shudder to think what they read at the Catholic high school, because everyone knows, it's always just a little worse. The weekend is now upon us, so it seems appropriate to end my series on our educational system with this classic tale of high school girls. This afternoon I was in the grocery line at Smith’s paging through Cosmo myself. It should be sold with a warning for parents of teenage girls. And as I write this, I realize, that my boss's 13 year old daughter was right... I am sooo not cool.
2 comments:
My sister is the funniest girl I know. Or at least the funniest one I am related to. But probably the funniest one I know. Your series on the American educational system was priceless. I also overheard priceless High School conversations when I was in Rocky Point, Mexico last month. And some college level ones. My favorite was a HS one where a boy asked if shingles was an std. He was assured that it was not. At which point he said that it still sounded like a really bad thing to get. And, I thought, you can't argue with that. ;)
damn funny, megan. damn funny.
Post a Comment