Bugs and Babies

So, I love substitute teaching. I'll get to that in a minute. Today I subbed for 2nd graders and it was, unbeknowst to me, field trip day. That's right. There are fewer things more chaotic than 80 2nd graders in a museum. And, even fewer still that make me want to run screaming back to my well behaved, quiet, command obeying DOG. Today we went to the the arboretum and "living museum" in Reno so that the kids could learn about praying manti. They are clearly on their insect lesson. It was actually a cool museum, but Delores, who was our guide, docent if you will, couldn't have been a day younger than 87 and honestly, needed flash cards to remember the parts of an insect. Forget themes, goals, objectives and creating an emotional and intellectual connection between the visitors and the meanings inherent in the resource. We learned that insects have 3 parts and 6 legs. Why that couldn't have been gone over in a classroom so we could talk about the 6 bazillion lenses of the eye when the kids looked through the cool bug eye lens at the museum, I will never know. Nope. 3 parts, 6 legs. End of story. Snakes? Well, we learned that snakes are long, not slimy, and won't poop on you. Man, I'm glad they cleared that up. But the kids did get to hold a snake, so that was sweet. Delores called it a Coral Snake, which I thought was a bit funny. I corrected her quietly. It was indeed a C-O-R-N snake. But she was close. You know, C for Coral, C for Corn. Whatever. Okay, so if you can imagine, the day got BETTER! We got back to class and I taught them how to read clocks and schedules. I was tempted to tell them how important that would be later, but they still had snake poop on the brain, so I didn't want to ruin that. So, I'm standing up there with my electronic pen trying to figure out how to work this new fangled technology (apparently chalk boards are soooooo passe.) when this girl looks at my name on the board and says (this is so classic!),

"Miss Finnerty, you have two S's because you're not married!" She was so proud of herself for that statement.

"Yes, that's right, now, everyone look up at the clock in the front of the room..."

"But Miss Finnerty, why aren't you married? All our other teachers are married."

"I'm working on it," I said. I know, I know... it is not good to lie to children, but that wasn't the only one I told during this exchange, so let's move on.

"So, do you have kids?" She asks with a a little smile.

"No, I don't, but thanks for asking, " I said. (The teachers aide is now in hysterics in the back.)

"But you want kids, right?" She asks.

"Um," I say... Not a fair question on field trip day. No one wants kids after a bus ride with 80 kids to Reno. Seriously.

"Um, maybe."

"But why don't you want kids?" She asks. "Yeah..." the rugrats all chime in.

"Okay, let's talk about me and kids after class. I love kids and can't wait to have them (big lie number 2, for those of you who are counting). Now everyone...1...2...3... Eyes on Me!"

"1...2... Eyes on You!" They all chant obediently and stare back at me rather bug eyed (yep, full circle).

So, the secret to having kids is apparently repetition of silly numeric chants. Got it. I'll put that one in my notebook. I'll then practice on the dog and see where it goes. Then we'll talk about kids. Ah, I do love subbing.